The Role of Emotional Intelligence In Mentoring

Emotional intelligence has become a fixture in the helping profession and in the realms of leadership and management. Recently I conducted a series of training sessions with a church in Kingston Jamaica and in doing my review it dawned on me that I should have included The Role of Emotional Intelligence In Mentoring. It is very important that we reflect on that component. Here are some considerations on the matter.

Mentors must also possess good EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:

1. They must be SELF AWARE:
   1. They must know how they are feeling and how their moods, thoughts and feelings affect how they react or respond to others
   1. They must learn to assess themselves accurately knowing their strengths and weaknesses and being willing to accept their limitations while they seek to improve themselves. They must not be in self-denial about the negative aspects of themselves
   1. They must be confident in themselves even though they admit to their weaknesses.  They must be at ease with who they are and comfortable in their own skin.  They must be able to laugh at themselves!
2. They must MANAGE THEMSELVES – THEIR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOURS:
   1. They must be persons of great self-control who are able to deal with various thoughts, emotions, impulses and behaviours that can be destructive.  They must learn how to remain calm in a variety of situations especially those which bring great stress and put pressure on them
   1. They must be transparent – authentic and open with who they are while being willing to share their own mistakes and failures to help their mentees.  They should understand the boundaries of transparency and the timing and appropriateness of self-disclosure
   1. They must be flexible and adaptable especially when working with children and youth
   1. They must also keep on being hopeful and optimistic which will in turn motivate their mentees
   1. They must know when to initiate and when not to

• They must BE SOCIALLY ATTUNED AND KNOW HOW TO MANAGE RELATIONSHIPS WELL:
  • They must demonstrate empathy and know how to keep their relationships on the right path
  • They must learn how to motivate and inspire their mentees towards a vision of a preferred future.  They must create a level of excitement and anticipation for mentees to better their lives
  • They must have positive influence on their mentees constantly moving them to higher levels of functioning
  • They must know how to develop and form their mentees thru assistance with goal-setting and identifying strengths and weaknesses that they (the mentees) need to work on.  They give constant and helpful feedback to mentees to help them grow and actualize their potential
  • They are willing and able to help mentees change by using confronting and other related people helping skills and techniques.  They must know when and how to challenge false, negative or unhelpful ideas, beliefs or  practices in their mentees so that the mentee can have maximum success in growing in life through the mentoring process